As an impatient person who doesn’t like slow walkers when it’s passing period, I wondered what grade is clogging the halls. After asking some friends; I discovered this topic was controversial.
“They be sagging and walking slow”- Antonio says, about underclassmen boys.
My preconceived notion was that underclassmen, in general, are the slower class. And, though I might be biased, I assumed girls were faster, and my friend, Antonio, agreed. After I spent my lunches asking to see people’s health app, I collected enough data and did the math. In doing so, I discovered that I was wrong..
Alright, listen up, folks, because the results are in for the Walking Speed Olympics, and it’s not looking great for some of y’all. The debate is over the result are IN!
Starting off in dead last, zombie walking in at an embarrassing 2.7 mph, we have the Sophomores. Shocker. I didn’t even bother asking enough of them to see if the girls were faster than the boys—honestly, who cares? They’re all slow anyway. Better luck next year, kiddos.
Next, barely escaping last place like it’s some kind of achievement, we’ve got the guys from all grades combined at 2.72 mph. Big improvement, right? I’m sure they’re real proud of themselves for not being dead last. Way to aim for the stars, guys.
Then, just when you thought it couldn’t get any faster, the Freshmen roll in at 2.778 mph. They were all too busy hiding or something, so I couldn’t even gather enough data to compare the girls and boys. But let’s be real, they’re Freshmen, so who’s surprised?
Now, on to the average for everybody—2.78 mph. Congrats, you’re all… average. How exciting. Riveting stuff here.
Next, onto the girls, who show up with 2.791 mph, followed closely by the Junior boys at 2.793 mph. Gee wiz, two-thousandths of a mile per hour faster—truly, the stuff of legends.
Then we have the Senior girls at 2.823 mph. Not bad, ladies. But, of course, y’all know who’s coming next.
Finally, drumroll please, the Senior boys cruise in at a whopping 2.91 mph, beating the girls by 0.0929 mph. Yeah, it’s a narrow win, but a win’s a win. And hey, Seniors still on top, so L.
And that’s the race, folks. Seniors for the win—obviously.
