Every relationship has its obstacles; however, you may find yourself having obstacles every day, yes every day. The sentence itself can be exhausting to hear. Finding stability in an existing relationship can be hard, like navigating through trial and error daily.

What is an Anxious-Avoidant Relationship?

An Anxious-Avoidant relationship is extremely common, and it is exactly what It sounds like. One of the partners is dependent and craves attention while the other partner withdraws and retreats.

This article explores how couples can overcome these obstacles and deep-seated repetitive patterns. it may seem impossible now, but reading with an open mind and trusting the process is important.

How to know if you are anxious or avoidant?

Signs of an anxious partner:

• constant worry about the relationship
• Being jealous or possessive
• Doubting your compatibility
• having none/loose boundaries
• people pleasing behavior
• Constant reassurance

Signs of an avoidant partner:

• Difficulty expressing feelings/needs
• Values Independence
• Commitment shy
• Consistent withdrawal
• Suppressing emotions
• Limit displays of affection

This relationship situation can often feel like a tug-of-way that you are constantly fighting for while the other is not, and vice versa. This push-and-pull cycle is very frustrating as one person is in desperate need of reassurance and attention while the other partner retreats, and wants emotional independence and much-needed space. These needs can conflict with each other immensely.

How to create a stronger foundation?

There are many solutions to creating a stronger foundation in an anxious-avoidant relationship; however, the first step is to understand.

Understanding Dynamics

It is very important to understand the partner’s perspective, and only focusing on your needs is what is going to kill a relationship. When you take a step back and realize that your partner is not out to hurt you, but is making decisions out of love for their partner and themselves, things become simpler. When trying to understand dynamics ask yourself some of these questions?

• Could I be stressing out my partner?
• Does my partner feel neglected?
• What is triggering my partner to feel anxious or avoidant?
• How do I react when I feel rejected or abandoned?
• How does my partner react to me needing reassurance?
• Am I independent or dependent on my partner?
• Am I capable of regulating my feelings or do I rely on my partner?

Understanding each other’s needs and perspectives will create a safer environment in the relationship and that is step one.

Talk With Your Partner, Let Them Know You Understand

Once you understand each other it can open the mind to many other possibilities. Step two would be to sit down and talk with your partner letting them know you understand, but things need to change, on both sides. Hearing that your partner knows how you feel can lessen the stress and relieve your partner. Change is the hardest part of the dynamic. But once done, it makes it all worth it.

Improve Communication

improving communication comes in many different forms that will create a much safer environment for both parties. Communication can be improved by open/honest conversations, validation of feelings, and direct and nonrepetitive conversations. Both partners need to be able to express how they feel, their boundaries, their needs, and what they are looking for in a relationship. Hearing how the other side feels and validating, it will make it much easier for both sides to open up. Everyone should feel heard.

Avoidant Partners

Avoidant partners are known to experience conflicting emotions and thoughts when it comes to emotional intimacy. Some have a fear of losing independence, anxiety when smothers, reluctance to express feelings, and self-protection. As it is very hard for them to deal with stressful situations. Neediness can push the avoidant away heavily as they may feel suffocated. It is important to give them this space.

Anxious Partners

Anxious partners on the other hand feel a heavy dependency on the anxious partner, not understanding why they are distancing themselves. “Am I not good enough?” or “Are they losing feelings” can be difficult to understand when in reality, the other partner just needs space. Anxious partners

Both sides can develop from childhood or simply spring from how people deal with emotions. Love is different for everyone, but with understanding and support, it can be beautiful.